Artikano

.. would anybody bite?
What porn should I write?

Does anyone else feel ashamed of the bondage porn art they create? I feel a lot of shame.

Let me be clear: I don't give two fucks about what anybody else thinks. I don't want to rub my sexuality in anyone's face, but I like what I like. No one else's approval required. Heck, I don't respect most people enough to care about what they think. I'm not bragging, that's just ... I've had to learn how not to care. It's a survival skill in my life, and I'm mostly pretty good at it. But still ...

Shame. I don't understand where it comes from. In the privacy of my own home, starting something I promise myself no one else will ever see, I pick up the pencil and ... bam. Shame. The spark of creativity gutters and dies. I suppose I've internalized the judgments and condemnations I grew up with, to the point that my subconscious disapproves of my sick, sick fantasies even when no one else is around. I shame myself when no one else is there to do the job? I guess so.

Anyone else have to deal with feelings of guilt and shame about making pornography? I'm talking about internal stuff that lives in your head, not ... not like worry about what the critics will say.

Doing terrible things in the best way possible.

Somebody do Harley Quinn getting spanked by Batman. For rehabilitation.

So, I suffered a lot of abuse as a child. A lot of crap got buried because I couldn't deal with it at the time. Comes to the surface when I'm ready. But this?

I turns out I have a thing for strong, dominant women. Discipline and humiliation and such like. Receiving, I mean. Helplessness and begging. It's kind of shaking my world. It's like discovering your house had a second floor this whole time you. I don't know about my overall preferences ... I'm still trying to assemble some kind of big picture. But I at least know that big picture is going to have a whole lot of elements I didn't expect to be there.

When I was a child, I was told by some one I loved that I was abused because I secretly wanted to be abused. That I was hurt because I liked pain. So I rejected the whole thing. For decades, for ... well, up to yesterday. I knew I wasn't asking for it, so I couldn't be submissive. Right?

I don't know if anyone will care. I just don't want to be ashamed anymore, okay? I want a woman to force me to beg. So? I'm still stronger then any ten fuckers put together. I'm just ... tired. There's nothing wrong with being tired.

So I'll post some femdom art. I've had a creative block for the better part of a year, I think that'll help.